Finally, today is the day. I am supposed to go on my first trail ride to
see if I am going to become the owner of a horse. He is a Tennessee Walker.
I had been wishing for this day, and dreading this
day, since the possibility of becoming a horse owner became a reality. I went to meet Silver Dollar and he did not
pay too much attention to me. He was
busy eating his feed then eating the dry grass in the pasture.
He seemed gentle enough and big. He is beautiful. He is black, but the summer sun had bleached
many parts of his coat reddish. He is a
five year old gelding.
I will admit to having a range of emotions since I
learned of his existence; especially, since learning that we could become a part
of each other’s lives. I wondered if I was
up to the responsibility of owning a horse?
The person who owns him now said that he could board
on his farm. He said that he would teach me all about horses and their
care. I love that, but am I up to the
rigors of learning and doing what Silver Dollar needs? Because, this endeavor is about the horse as
well as about me.
I also worried about my ability to saddle him. How much strength does that take? More than I have? What if I fell off him while riding and became
wheelchair bound because of the decision to buy a horse? Am I being stupid? Fear and anxiety gripped me. Then, I would remember my dreams about wanting
a horse and I would remind myself of “exceptional equestrian” programs and how
good horseback riding is for persons with disabilities.
I have disabilities.
I am old. I have arthritis. I am continuing to recover from a traumatic
brain injury (TBI). I have
post-traumatic stress (PTSD) and no matter what I have tried it does not seem
to improve. These things cause some of my
anxieties and terror about this new venture or maybe it is an adventure.
The ride was amazing. Silver Dollar was everything that his owner
told me that he was. He was gentle. He rides smoothly. He led, followed and rode side by side with
the other horse and rider. The weather
was across the board. At times it was cool,
hot and we also had rain. I got to go on a beautiful trail much further than I
could ever have hoped to walk. Silver
Dollar was patient with me and he followed my commands. So … what’s the problem?
It takes a lot of strength to do everything
necessary to saddle and mount a horse. I
know that my muscles would strengthen over time, but is it all too much for me
at this stage of my life? Could I lift
the saddle on and off? Could I ever hope
to get the girth tight enough on my own?
How about loading and unloading him onto the trailer, but most
importantly, do I have the time and energy it takes to provide Silver Dollar
with everything he needs all of the time to be a happy horse?
I know that I love this horse. I know
that I want this horse. I have a tough decision
to make. I think I know the answer to my
dilemma, but that requires me facing my limitations. Do I have the personal honesty and
self-control for that? I know that I must
say no to myself thereby ending a dream that I had long held. I can not buy the horse.
But, as sad as I am about having to make this
decision, I feel really good about the process.
I took the leap of entertaining the possibility of turning a dream into
a reality. I faced all of my fears about
actually meeting the animal, preparing him for the ride and accepting the help
that I needed to accomplish the trail ride.
I loved going on the trail ride.
I faced all my fears and ended up making a rational decision that is the
best for both the horse and for me.
I called the owner and told him of my decision and
he so very graciously accepted it and he even volunteered to take me trail riding. Now, that is what I call real class from a
country gentleman.
So, the moral I would draw from this story and what
I would like to leave you with is this:
Try. Face you fears. Examine your opportunities. Entertain possibilities. Then, make your decision based on what you
know in your heart of hearts is the right decision for you and for the other
party whether it is a horse, a person, a family or perhaps something else.
Maybe you will have the luck to have your story end
up like mine. Maybe your answer will
come in a different form than what you thought, but maybe you will still end up
with a livable and workable piece of your dream while remembering that in this
life we all must remain flexible.
©Patty F.
Cooper, Elizabethton, Tennessee. June 30th, 2014
All Rights Reserved
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